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Biden Reminds Everyone That Black Justices Can Be Just As Smart As Rich Ones
WASHINGTON, D.C.—As Biden prepares to nominate a woman of color to the Supreme Court, he took the time to remind the country that black Justices can be just as smart as rich ones. “Listen, folks,...
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New Minnie Mouse Pantsuit Design Includes Baton For Beating Uyghur Prisoners
PARIS—Minnie Mouse will be sporting a new look this March for Women’s History Month when she finalizes her divorce from Mickey and becomes an independent businesswoman in a pantsuit. The new outfit...
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Trump Media & Technology Group Announces Launch of ‘TRUTH Emojis’
The Trump Media & Technology Group is preparing to launch its new TRUTH Social iOS app on February 21st, 2022. During a press conference with CNN President Trump (45 & 47) when asked about the...
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Top 8 Reasons To Stock Up On Ammo RIGHT NOW
If you have less than infinity rounds of ammunition in your house, it’s time to buy more ammo! Say what? You need a better reason than that? Ok fine—here are eight. 1) You’ll need enough ammo to...
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Confused Migrant Sneaks Across Rio Grande Instead Of Taking Free Government...
MCALLEN, TX—Haitian migrant Tamara Garcia was searching for a better life in America as she waded across the Rio Grande river last week. She was quickly apprehended by border patrol agents who asked...
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15 Fun Communist-Themed Olympic Events At Beijing This Year
The Beijing 2022 Winter Olympics have begun! Elite athletes from all over the globe have descended upon China to find out who will have the honor of being blacklisted for suggesting China is a...
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Stacey Abrams Says She Doesn’t Have To Wear A Mask Because She’s A Governor
ATLANTA, GA—Beloved Georgia politician Stacey Abrams was viciously pounced upon by conservative critics after being photographed maskless while she was surrounded by dozens of masked schoolchildren....
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Biden Admin Issues New Masks With Holes In Them So You Can Smoke Your Free...
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Biden Admin has announced plans for 500 million new masks which will be shipped out for free to U.S. residents. These masks will have a brand-new design feature: a small mouth...
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CDC Director Now Says To Just Do Whatever Texas Did 12 Months Ago
ATLANTA, GA—The CDC has released new guidance for how states should deal with the pandemic by telling everyone to just go ahead and do what Texas did 12 months ago. “Yeah, we were pretty much wrong...
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Footage Shows Hillary Clinton Dangling From Wire To Hack Ultra-Secure Server...
NEW YORK, NY—Security footage newly uncovered by Special Counsel Durham shows Hillary Clinton sneaking into the Trump Tower server room to steal campaign secrets and plant incriminating links to...
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Man Donates To Truck Convoy Under Name ‘Hunter Biden’ So Washington Post...
LAUREL, MS—Inspired by the fight for medical freedom in Canada, local retiree Dale O’Reilly decided to donate to the Trucker Convoy. But in order to keep from getting doxxed by the Washington Post, he...
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DeSantis Signs New Bill Where You Can Only Say ‘Gay’ To Mean ‘Uncool’ Or ‘Lame’
TALLAHASSEE, FL—Governor Ron DeSantis has signed into law a new bill called the “Only Say Gay If You Mean Lame” bill, which does just what it says: in Florida schools, you can now only say “gay” if...
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10 Great Alternatives To Supporting Woke Companies
Watch out! Every company you love has become WOKE! If you want to avoid supporting progressive businesses then you’ll need to be prepared. Consider these fantastic alternatives to some of the more...
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Biden Announces He Will Move To Unfollow Putin On Twitter
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After Putin led Russia in an unprovoked attack on Ukraine, Biden addressed the world and outlined the steps he’d take to stop Russia from rampaging through Eastern Europe. “Listen,...
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10 Essential Items To Put In Your Fallout Shelter Today
Are you having trouble getting your fallout shelter in order in time for the brisk nuclear winter that is certainly coming? Have no fear–we at The Babylon Bee are experts in doomsday prepping! Use...
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Whoopi Goldberg Says America Should Ignore War In Ukraine As It’s Just Two...
NEW YORK, NY—Whoopi Goldberg again made waves after publicly questioning why America should care about the war in Ukraine since it’s “just two groups of white people” duking it out. “Genocide? How...
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4D Chess: U.S.-Mexico Border Disguised As Ukrainian Border So Democrats Will...
EL PASO, TX—In a last-ditch effort to get Democrats to start caring about border security, the Texas government has disguised their southern border as the border between Ukraine and Russia. “Oh...
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10 Not So Well-Known Side Effects Of The Vaccine
Pfizer wanted to withhold vaccine data until 2096 but some annoying judge told them to release it now. The Babylon Bee has combed through hundreds of pages of documents to find data that backs up our...
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Nation Wishes We Had Our Own Oil We Could Dig Up With Big Machines And Then...
tion report really wishing we had our own oil we could dig up with big machines and then transport around with some sort of pipeline. “If only we had oil, and knew how to get it,” said one local mom...
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The Babylon Bee Has Obtained This Exclusive Photo Of The Ghost Of Kyiv
KYIV—Legends tell of a heroic fighter ace patrolling the skies above Ukraine, single-handedly beating back Russian air power. Latest reports indicate he has shot down between 13 and 793 enemy aircraft...
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