Stacey Abrams Says She Doesn’t Have To Wear A Mask Because She’s A Governor

ATLANTA, GA—Beloved Georgia politician Stacey Abrams was viciously pounced upon by conservative critics after being photographed maskless while she was surrounded by dozens of masked schoolchildren. But the haters quickly walked back their criticisms of the political firebrand after Abrams informed them that she’s the Governor and governors don’t have to wear masks.

“After hearing that Abrams was following the science of being an important governor around those small, dangerous vectors of COVID-19, we immediately retracted our denunciation and published a formal apology,” said conservative pundit, Balswell Crocwelder with a tone of remorse and guilt in his voice. “Who knows what horrific disaster would have occurred had she not been an important state leader who is immune from all mask requirements.”

When pressed on the issue, Mr. Crocwelder finally admitted he only attacked Ms. Abrams because he wanted to date her.

Co-hosts of ABC’s “The View” praised Abrams for her intelligent use of science by being around kids as a duly elected governor, reminding viewers the scientific practice has been used by literally every other politician in the Democrat party, resulting in millions of lives saved.

Joy Behar, long-time host of “The View” and likely MENSA hall of famer, praised Abrams as a fellow genius, and proposed that the same rigorously-proven science be used to stop the spread of AIDS by being a Democrat governer during sex.

Babylon Bee subscriber Jim Oliver contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

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