Florida legislature has revoked Disney’s self-governing status which means that some bold new changes are on the way. Disneyland in California will remain a popular site for human trafficking but the Walt Disney World in Orlando, FL is going to experience a dramatic overhaul.
Take a look at these exciting changes on the way:
1) The Hall of Presidents will just have 46 animatronic Donald Trumps: They are the greatest robots, maybe ever. Everyone says so.
2) Chip and Dale will now reside in separate trees: We can’t let our children be corrupted by cartoon characters having too close of a relationship.
3) Avatar land will be turned into an IP someone actually cares about like Krull: Wield a sentient weapon and save the world!
4) Only the original Star Wars trilogy may be spoken of: The prequel trilogy is too perfect to corrupt with human speech.
5) The only country featured in Epcot will be AMERICA: America is like a highlight reel of all the best countries anyway.
6) All Disney princesses to be replaced with Melania Trump: Finally, real diversity!
7) Weird Disney adults who come without kids will be banned: Yessss!!!
8) Human trafficking is strongly discouraged: And no more kids on leashes, you weirdos!
9) It’s A Small World attraction to be dismantled by tactical nuke: The area will be sealed off for thirty years.
10) Johnny Depp’s character will no longer wear eye shadow on the Pirates ride: Will also incorporate ex-wife Amber Heard in a redesigned auction scene.
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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.
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