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Dems Explain They Don’t Want Billionaires Controlling Our Media Unless...
U.S.—Democrats have explained that they absolutely do not want billionaires controlling our media, unless those billionaires are named Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Michael Bloomberg,...
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State Of California Rejects 100% Of Biology Textbooks For Stating There Are...
SACRAMENTO, CA—The California Department of Education has rejected 100% of biology textbooks from the state’s public school curriculum because they perpetuate outdated backward ideas that there are...
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7 Ways To Cope Now That You Can’t Force People Around You To Wear Masks
The mask mandates have ended and life is returning to normal (unless you don’t fly and live in the half of the country that has been normal for two years). It can be difficult, though, to suddenly see...
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10 Changes DeSantis Has Ordered For Disney World
Florida legislature has revoked Disney’s self-governing status which means that some bold new changes are on the way. Disneyland in California will remain a popular site for human trafficking but the...
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18 Things That Lasted Longer Than CNN+
CNN+ will be shutting down on April 30, just a month after its rocky start. Truly, its candle burned out long before its legend ever will. Take a gander at these eighteen things that lasted longer...
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13 Films With A Powerful Pro-Choice Message
The choice to murder your own offspring for convenience is a fundamental human right. Without choice, you might as well be, like, a handmaid in The Handmaid’s Tale! Fortunately, Hollywood is dedicated...
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Democrats Continue Proud Tradition Of Wearing White Masks To Show Political...
ATLANTA, GA—Despite the lifting of mask mandates across the United States, Democrats have chosen to continue their proud tradition of wearing white masks to show their political affiliation. “Mandate...
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9 Upcoming Netflix Shows Sure To Bring Back Subscribers
Netflix has seen the writing on the wall. With subscribers leaving in droves, they’re announcing some new shows they’re hoping will entice you to subscribe to their service again! Here are 9 epic...
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Government Disinformation Board Determines All Criticism Of Government...
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In its first official act, the new DHS Government Disinformation Board ruled today that all criticism of the Government Disinformation Board is disinformation. This comes in response...
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Hunter Biden To Receive $50K Per Month Salary For Seat On Disinformation...
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Department of Homeland Security has formed the Disinformation Governance Board to bravely combat incorrect opinions on the internet. According to sources, the board’s Executive...
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Disinformation Board Confirms Rachel Levine Is A Woman
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The official DHS Disinformation Governance Board, more popularly known as the Ministry of Truth, confirmed today their latest disinformation findings: Rachel Levine is a woman. The...
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Buffalo Hat-Wearing Elizabeth Warren Leads Insurrection Against Supreme Court
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Eyewitnesses reported Senator Elizabeth Warren donned a buffalo hat and led a group of bloodthirsty insurrectionists up the marble steps of the Supreme Court Building Wednesday...
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Report: Zero Males Affected As Feminists Go On Sex Strike
NEW YORK, NY—After feminists around the country vowed to stop having sex, men across the nation have remained blissfully unaware anything has changed. “Huh? Who stopped having sex?” responded every...
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Here Are Some More Things Elon Musk Should Buy And Fix
With Elon Musk buying Twitter and committing to making it better, there has been much speculation about what he might purchase and restore next. The possibilities are endless! Here are a few of our...
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Russia Looking Forward To Picking Up $40 Billion In New Equipment After U.S....
MOSCOW—Spirits were high in the Ministry of Defense after Russian military leaders learned that the United States would soon be sending $40 billion in supplies to Ukraine, which would then be almost...
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After Absorbing All His Haters’ Powers, Trump Evolves Into Ultra MAGA Man
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden tried to warn us. He’s been sounding the alarm for weeks now, desperately trying to alert the nation to a grave threat to our national security: ULTRA MAGA. But no one took him...
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Trump Crowned MAGA King After Pulling Rittenhouse’s AR-15 From Stone
ANTIOCH, IL—Former President Donald J. Trump was crowned MAGA King shortly after pulling the legendary rifle of Kyle Rittenhouse from a stone. According to legend, the AR-15 rifle had been placed in...
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10 Things More Valuable Than The U.S. Dollar
The US dollar is losing value as a result of burgeoning Biden-flation. Before we all end up homeless, let’s take some time to reflect on some things that are more valuable than the money in your bank...
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Besties! AOC And New Fiancé Go On Double Date With Ilhan Omar And Her Brother
NEW YORK, NY—On Friday evening, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her new fiance finally went on the double date they had been trying to coordinate with Ilhan Omar and her brother for weeks. “This is a...
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Fauci Recommends Stopping Spread Of Monkeypox By Covering Eyes, Ears, Mouth
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Monkeypox pandemic has finally breached the shores of the United States, with the CDC confirming a staggering 1 infections so far. In response, America’s favorite, most trusted...
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