13 Minutes: a Trump era remake of Benghazi’s ’13 Hours’
A Trump era remake of the Benghazi story ’13 Hours’ has just finished filming in Baghdad. Titled ’13 Minutes,’ it chronicles the short period from when the U.S. Marines landed at our Baghdad embassy to...
View ArticleThousands Of Panicked Terrorists Surrender As Trump Deploys Jack Wilson To...
WORLD—Terrorists and other enemies of America, including China, North Korea, and California, all agreed to lay down their arms as Jack Wilson was deployed abroad. After Wilson, the hero of the recent...
View ArticleIran Declines To Sign Colin Kaepernick After Reviewing Workout Video
TEHRAN—Colin Kaepernick sent his workout video to Iran after learning they may have recently opened up a position but has yet to receive a phone call. Kaepernick condemned American attacks on Iranian...
View ArticleDemocrats Grasping At Straws To Impeach Trump Now Regret Banning Straws
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats desperately grasping at straws to find grounds to impeach and convict Trump announced Tuesday they are now regretting banning plastic straws. “We started grasping for straws...
View ArticleTrump’s Approval Rating Among Terrorists Hits All-Time Low
U.S.—President Trump’s approval rating among terrorists hit an all-time low today according to a CNN poll. This comes just days after he killed several of them. Of those surveyed, only six percent of...
View ArticleAs Part Of Settlement With Nick Sandmann, CNN Hosts Must Wear MAGA Hats...
ATLANTA, GA—According to a report, as part of the settlement with Nick Sandmann, CNN hosts will be required to wear MAGA hats throughout every broadcast. “Let the punishment fit the crime,” counsel for...
View ArticleTragic: Footage Of Epstein Suicide Found Hanging In Cell
NEW YORK—In a tragic occurrence, the footage of Epstein’s suicide attempt was found hanging in its cell Friday in an apparent suicide. The footage reportedly strung itself up with a strip of cloth,...
View ArticleMitch McConnell Sends Pelosi Shirt Reading ‘I Impeached The President And All...
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Mitch McConnell felt bad for Nancy Pelosi after watching her get forced to impeach the president by the radical wing of her party, then impeach him and sit on the articles of...
View ArticleReminder: You No Longer Need A Color TV To Watch The Democratic Debates
DES MOINES, IA—The FCC announced today that the next Democratic debate will not require viewers to use a color television. The decision was made in part due to the fact that all the remaining...
View ArticleAll-White Democratic Debate Mistaken For KKK Rally
DES MOINES, IA—Many were shocked to turn to CNN last night and see what appeared to be a Ku Klux Klan rally. Airing for two hours was an all-white assembly of people talking about their superior plans...
View ArticleNew, Deadlier AR-16 Introduced Which Is An AR-15 Wearing A MAGA Hat
U.S.—Horror has spread throughout the nation as the unthinkable has happened: A new, even deadlier successor to the AR-15 — the AR-16 — is now for sale. The gun is a lot like the destructive AR-15 but...
View ArticleIn Major Deal, The Babylon Bee Purchases Competing Satire Site CNN
U.S.—The Babylon Bee has been the world’s best satire site for thousands of years, spawning dozens of secular knock-offs that just aren’t quite as good. The site announced a new acquisition this week,...
View ArticleTrump Delivers State Of The Union In Scuba Gear To Avoid Drowning In Liberal...
WASHINGTON D.C.—After completely mopping the floor with the snowflake libs on the Senate floor, the Trump administration fears that he is at high risk of drowning in a literal tidal wave of liberal...
View ArticlePelosi Defends Ripping Up Trump’s Speech, Saying It Was Just A ‘Clump Of Cells’
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Nancy Pelosi has been criticized for tearing up President Trump’s speech after the State of the Union since immature behavior is almost completely unheard of among politicians. But...
View ArticleWe have a dossier on Rush Limbaugh
For those who have discovered The People’s Cube only recently: we have been following Rush Limbaugh very closely throughout the years and have compiled an impressive Rush Dossier, detailing his many...
View ArticleTo Deflect Criticism From His Three Houses, Sanders Buys A Fourth
LAS VEGAS, NV—Bernie Sanders took criticism for owning three houses at last night’s Democratic debate. He defended himself eloquently, using the argument that “basically everyone who’s not a dumb, poor...
View ArticleNation’s Bernie Supporters Frantically Cobble Together Makeshift Rafts To...
U.S.—After Bernie Sanders praised elements of Cuba’s totalitarian regime, the presidential candidate’s loyal supporters scrambled to cobble together makeshift rafts so they could paddle over to Cuba to...
View ArticleBiden: ‘I Am The Only Candidate Who Can Beat Ronald Reagan’
HOUSTON, TX—Fresh off his afternoon nap, presidential candidate Joe Biden gave a fiery, high-energy speech in Houston today, claiming to be the only candidate who could beat incumbent Ronald Reagan. “I...
View ArticleBiden To Defy CDC Warning To Stop Touching Other People’s Faces
U.S.—As Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden is constantly in crowds, health officials are greatly concerned that he will catch the coronavirus — which would be especially bad for him as he’s...
View ArticleJoe Biden picks Coronavirus as his 2020 running mate
Whom would Joe Biden choose as his running mate? This question loomed ever since Biden became the apparent 2020 Democratic presidential nominee, and it was finally answered today. Biden and his...
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