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‘There Is No Need To Worry About China’s Space Nukes,’ Says Jen Psaki From...
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Journalists love Jen Psaki’s laid-back, smiling, down-to-earth demeanor, as it keeps us all calm in a time with many tough challenges. So reporters were relieved when Psaki informed...
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Experts Warn That If Children Between The Ages Of 5-11 Aren’t Vaccinated Then...
NEW YORK, NY—Experts are encouraging everyone to get their kids vaccinated, and are predicting dire consequences if this is not done. According to several top scientists, Pfizer executives won’t meet...
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Fauci Says Attacking Puppy Torture Is An Attack On Science
BETHESDA, MD—Concerned citizens are raising questions about some experiments conducted by Dr. Fauci’s NIH, including one where puppies were tortured to death, their vocal cords severed to mute their...
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9 Ways To Survive Getting Canceled
So, you’ve been canceled. Sad! Seriously though—it serves you right for saying “Ew, that song is gay” on AOL Instant Messenger when you were in high school. Shame on you! Now, the mob is out to...
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Exposed: Here Are 10 More Hideous Mad Science Experiments Fauci Funded
The Babylon Bee’s crack team of very brilliant and handsome investigators has uncovered several more horrifying experiments funded by none other than notorious beagle butcher Anthony Fauci. As the old...
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7 Reasons Parents Should Have No Say Whatsoever In Their Child’s Education
Do you think parents should have a say in their kids’ education? You’re wrong! Here are 7 reasons parents need to just stay away and let the professionals raise their kids. 1) Parents don’t know...
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KKK Member Posing By Glenn Youngkin’s Bus Turns Out To Be Ralph Northam
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—A KKK member posing outside Glenn Youngkin’s bus, ostensibly to support the gubernatorial candidate, has turned out to actually just be Governor Ralph Northam in his trusty Klan...
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‘I Just Think This Let’s Go Brandon Thing Is Really Disrespectful,’ Says Man...
ALBANY, NY—As chants of “Let’s Go Brandon” spread around the country, many Democrats have expressed concern over treating the office of President with such disrespect. “I dunno… I just don’t think we...
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Biden Offers To Have Hunter Repaint Sistine Chapel
VATICAN CITY—President Biden emerged from his meeting with Pope Francis greatly relieved and brimming with joy, claiming that the Holy Father had requested Biden’s son, the great artist Hunter,...
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The Babylon Bee Presents: The 10 Commandments Of Wokeness
Brought to you by: The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness Thousands of years ago, God gave mankind his 10 Commandments which became the basis for law and Western Civilization. Unfortunately, it’s been a...
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To Save The Earth, Next Climate Conference To Be Held On Starship That Is...
WORLD—In order to save the earth, the next climate change conference between world leaders will be held on a rocket ship. This rocket ship will then be launched into the sun, and, according to...
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Verdict Is In: Jury Finds Kyle Rittenhouse ‘Based’ And ‘An Absolute Chad’
MADISON, WI—After minutes of deliberation, the jury in the murder trial of Kyle Rittenhouse has rendered the verdict that the defendant is in fact “Based” and “An Absolute Chad.” The decision was read...
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Good News For Dems: Biden And Harris Now Polling At 66% Approval If You...
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats are thrilled after new polling data revealed Biden’s approval rating is 38% and Kamala Harris’s approval rating is 28%, which when combined, adds up to a combined approval...
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Now That He’s Sold The Pfizer Vaccine, Here Are 10 More Upcoming Product...
The beloved Sesame Street character Big Bird is finally doing what he was born to do: sell pharmaceutical products to small children! After his resounding success in selling a Pfizer vaccine, here are...
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Biden To Repurpose Oil Pipeline To Carry Illegal Immigrants
LANSING, MI—As fuel prices skyrocket across a country already dealing with porous and insecure borders, the Biden administration confirmed that it will shut down an oil pipeline in Michigan so it can...
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New Game ‘Call Of Duty: Rittenhouse’ Lets You Defend Your Home From A Horde...
SANTA MONICA, CA—Activision surprised the gaming world with a new game trailer revealing the next game in the popular Call of Duty series. Set to be released any day now, Call of Duty: Rittenhouse...
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Progress: U.S. Military Introduces Very First Gender-Neutral Bomb
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Many have charged the U.S. military with becoming “woke” in recent years, and more fuel has been added to that fire with the latest announcement from the Pentagon: The U.S. military...
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VIDEO: Everything You Need To Know About The Rittenhouse Trial
As the trial against Kyle Rittenhouse continues, here are the key facts you need to know. EDITORS NOTE: This political satire video by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. All rights...
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Liberals Accuse Rittenhouse Of Trying To Avoid Punishment Through Legal...
KENOSHA, WI—Leftists are sounding the alarm that Kyle Rittenhouse—a notorious slayer of white communist pedophiles—may escape punishment through a little-known legal loophole known as a “trial.” “This...
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Biden: ‘I Apologize For Calling All The Colored Folks Negroes’
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After stirring controversy by referring to legendary baseball player Satchel Paige as a “negro,” Biden came forward today to apologize for his gaffe. “Ah man, I apologize for calling...
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