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Revamped ‘Trans Siberian Orchestra’ Makes Splash
Tampa, FL — The Florida-based rock band / touring company formerly known as “Trans-Siberian Orchestra” has suddenly become extremely hip and popular by simply dropping the dash from its name and...
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‘1984’ Prequel Released Where People Beg Big Brother To Take Away Their...
U.S.—Harvill Secker Publishing Company has announced the release of a brand-new prequel to George Orwell’s classic, 1984. The new novel will describe the events leading up to 1984, where people beg...
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The Magnificent Eight – now with Kyle Rittenhouse
Across cultures and historical periods, people who stick their necks out to defend the innocents have been always regarded as noble heroes. Seven Samurais in medieval Japan come to mind, and a...
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Beto Surges To The Lead For Governor Of Texas In Poll Of Californians
CALIFORNIA—Beto O’Rourke has surged to the front of the Texas gubernatorial race according to a recent poll of Californians. O’Rourke is polling at the front of the pack, being an incredibly popular...
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U.S. Navy to Determine Ships’ Preferred Pronouns
Naval Station Norfolk, VA — The United States Navy has contracted experts to determine the preferred genders of all its nautical vessels. For millennia, mariners have assumed ships and boats were...
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Brave: Chris Wallace Comes Out Of Closet As Fake News Journalist
ATLANTA, GA—After being in the closet for over 18 years at Fox News, news anchor Chris Wallace has come out officially as a fake news journalist. After being turned down by The Babylon Bee, Wallace...
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U.S. Sending Hashtags to Taiwan to Fend off Chinese Invasion
China has made over 140 sorties with combat aircraft near Taiwan’s airspace in a four-day period. The act of provocation was met swiftly and decisively by our Defense and State Departments. At a White...
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10 Undeniable Proofs That Mask Mandates Work
Still don’t believe mask mandates work? Over and over, we’ve screamed “DIE, YOU SCIENCE DENIER!” in your face, and yet you still doubt the science. Once and for all, we bring you indisputable...
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Fed-Up Statue Of Liberty Moves To Florida
MIAMI, FL—Tourists unloading from the ferry onto Liberty Island in New York Harbor were met with disappointment this week, as the pedestal upon which the Statue of Liberty once stood was empty....
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New 2021 Words Added to Dictionaries
It’s nearing the end of another year and that can mean only one thing: opportunities for journalists to write quick articles and get paid without thinking too much or working too hard. During these...
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The Babylon Bee Presents: COVID Christmas Carols
This season, it’s important to focus on the true meaning of Christmas: compliance. Christmas caroling, once a holiday tradition of family and friends spreading joy and cheer to neighbors and...
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New video: Santa’s Naughty And Nice List Revised To Right Side Of History List
Are you a horrible person but on the right side of history? Santa is shocked to discover that’s all it takes to be on the nice list. And if you’re sitting here thinking, “What the heck!? The Babylon...
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White House Sends Out Christmas Cards With Heartfelt Message, ‘You Will Get...
U.S.—Americans opening their mailboxes were greeted with a wonderful holiday surprise, as the White House had mailed them Christmas cards with the heartwarming message, “You will get sick and die this...
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It’s Official: New White House Dog To Be Named Karl Barx
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Move over, Chairman Meow! The Biden family has brought an adorable puppy into their family, and have decided to name this “pawesome” pal Karl Barx, after the brilliant economist Karl...
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Due To Supply Chain Issues Democrats Recommend Mailing In Your Votes For 2024...
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The next Presidential election is three years away, but Democratic leaders in Congress aren’t wasting any time getting out the vote. “Republicans tricked Biden into creating a supply...
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Political Party That Encouraged People To Commit Crimes Surprised At All The...
U.S.—As violent crime has skyrocketed to historically high levels, particularly in democrat-run cities, democratic leaders expressed shock and dismay at the rampant crime they have openly, blatantly,...
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7 Alarming Omicron Symptoms
We thought we were out of the woods, and that maybe we could enjoy the holidays, but we were wrong. Omicron is upon us, and it is the deadliest plague humanity has ever faced. You probably won’t...
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Study: Most Kids Become Transgender Within 1 Hour Of Unsupervised Netflix Time
U.S.—A study has discovered a correlation between unsupervised Netflix viewing and transgender identification among children. Experts were quick to point out that this was “just fine” and any...
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The Babylon Bee Presents: Top CNN Moments Of 2021
2021 was a banner year for CNN! For 12 long months, we looked to their fake news coverage for guidance, clarity, and above all, laughs. Let’s take a look back at some of CNN’s biggest stories of the...
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In Retrospect, Woman Attending Communist-Themed Party Should Have Realized...
SEATTLE—Edmina Romanov fasted all day so she wouldn’t have to worry about calories at her friend’s Communist-themed party, but it was all for naught because no food was offered at the authentic commie...
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